Overcoming Expectations
Part of the success I have experienced in managing the symptoms associated with PTSD is focusing on the present and setting goals for the future. I spent (wasted) many years stressing and obsessing on the details of my past that brought me shame and regret and got trapped in a self-replicating cycle that did nothing more than sink me deeper into insecurity. The only way I would ever be able to break the cycle was to forgive myself for past transgressions, keep my eye on the horizon, and keep moving forward. It sounds cliche’, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
When we find a goal worth our effort and focus we start down a path towards completion. This path is beset with obstacles and challenges, but if the proper thought and planning was given to the goals and all that is required to achieve them then most of these challenges are not unforeseen. They are expected and welcome. We navigate our way to our short term, mid-range, and long term goals with an eye on the end and our focus on the means. We overcome obstacle after obstacle with such frequency that it is easy to become complacent and set up the expectation that everything will continue to proceed at the same pace, direction, and level of difficulty until the day comes (and it always does) that we find our path blocked by a seemingly insurmountable obstacle. Something didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to.
As we stare at this obstacle we run through the plan in our heads and evaluate everything we have done, seen, and heard in an attempt to understand why it happened and what it means to the rest of the plan. After a while we start to doubt the plan altogether and try to determine if the goal itself is possible, or even worthwhile. This is the tipping point in many lives.
In the Army we were trained in day and night land navigation as part of a basic set of skills. With a compass, a map, and a basic understanding of the terrain we would have to navigate from point to point on the map. During the day you think it’s easy because you can see clearly in the light but the courses are long, they range up and down mountains, and often times they would trick you by putting two checkpoints fairly close to each other so that you either have to be certain that you are at the correct one or that you have guessed correctly.
During the night land navigation course you have a fairly short distance to travel, but it is in the same heavily wooded area, in the pitch black of night. It’s difficult enough for me to walk through my house at night with the fear of stepping on my kids legos, much less walking through a wooded area with a known ravine close by. Always present is the thought that I could fall into that ravine if I am not careful. As we make our way through the course we come upon bushes and trees that we can only feel but not really see. We have to practice a maneuver called “boxing” where we sidestep to the left or right, continue our pace count forward to the other side of the obstacle, and side step the same number of steps back to the center of our path. It is not 100% accurate, but it helps maintain forward momentum.
Often times in life we are forced to ‘box” our way around obstacles. Plans do not always (ever) work out the way we expect them to. Life is chaotic at best and the best we can do is get used to that chaos. We have to expect that somewhere along the way we are going to come up against that tree and figure out a way around it. If your goal is a worthy one you will always find a way. It may mean having to pull yourself through that thicket or jump across a ravine, but there is always a way to keep moving forward. It just depends on how badly you want to.
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